i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Come share oat with me in your robe
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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