I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize