Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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