i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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