Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
