Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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