well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
