Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
