halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
