Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
