omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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