I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
