I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
