Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
