She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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