I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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