If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
