Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
