I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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