let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize