Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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