I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
