There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
