She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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