Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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