Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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