They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
