Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
