worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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