Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
