if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
