i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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