i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
