is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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