I hate your face
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize