Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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