So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
