The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
