I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
