im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
