Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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