Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
