I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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