i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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