Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
