Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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