she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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