and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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