We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
