He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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