In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
