Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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