i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
