i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
pray to the hookup gods
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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