i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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