it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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