I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
