Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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