Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize