omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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