Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
