she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
