I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
