I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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