I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
